Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
