Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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