I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
