Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
