Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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