Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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