After last night, I could never be a politician.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize