walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
