I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
