Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize