just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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