go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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