Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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