Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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