I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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