We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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