how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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