I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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