from now on my penis is your penis
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
