Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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