He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
