I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
