all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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