I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
