You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
