Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
