you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
