Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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