@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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