I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
