There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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