Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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