Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
