You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
