she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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