I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your penis caused this!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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