I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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