Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't make out with my wife yet
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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