The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
