At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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