my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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