Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
