Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
