I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
