If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
