My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
