Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i came on her dog
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
