She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
