I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
