I love black thongs
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
