I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
