Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize