The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
