My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
