Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My penis needs a shock collar
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
