If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
