he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
