i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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