I got chris browned last night
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
