I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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