At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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