1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
