1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
