I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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