Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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