We won't sleep together?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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